Kokako 'Konscious' Kafe

Kokako Cafe

492 Parnell Road,

Parnell

Kia ora tamaki makaurau, haere mai ki te Kokako Cafe... Righto, I've just exhausted the extent of my form 3 te reo, so lets get down to business.

Kokako (Vegetarian) Cafe is on Parnell Rd right on the intersection by the Domain entrance, and where the O.G. Al & Pete's used to be. First impressions were good: nice & bright, appealing cabinet kai and the place was packed (we hit it last Sunday, late morning). Nevertheless we were able to get a table without any hassle. Parking was right outside.

Le'ts talk about collective pronouns for a minute. WARNING! The proceeding is a personal rant and has nothing to do with food or coffee quality, both of which are excellent at the Kokako - skip forward if you're not concerned about service. Let's talk specifically about the use of the word 'guys'. This collective pronoun seems to pervade the hospitality industry. This can really fuck me off. Consider context; a group of young 'guys' being addressed as such I've no issue with, but using it as an all-purpose greeting, 'hey guys', can be potentially offensive. You wouldn't address your Nan and her mah-jong group as 'guys', and the table of Golden-Agers sitting behind us at Kokako I think would not appreciate it either. In our case, it was me and my woman-friend, and she's certainly no 'guy'.

My gripe extends beyond collective pronouns, and into over-familiarity of wait staff. Calling me 'boss' or 'chief' (thanks, Jafa) is condescending and doesn't make me feel welcome, quite the opposite... Oh, and by the way, I'm not your 'mate', or your 'bro', I'm your customer. This sort of carry-on is just not necessary. Polite and attentive, but not intrusive service is all I ask for. A friendly 'Hi' is enough to greet me. Sure, if I'm a regular at your cafe, then by all means venture some sort of deeper connection. Hey, why not introduce yourself, and I might tell you what my name is. Then you won't have call me 'guy' ever again. END OF RANT.

The Kokako has a trustafarian design aesthetic throughout. See the 60s chairs re-covered in coffee bean sacks, and ridiculous half jar, half mugs (more on these later). Granted, they are paid up members of the Rainforest Organic Indigenous Native Bean Vendors Collective Hail-Up Whatever. It's like an East Aucklander's interpretation of The Wellington Sound somehow manifest in a cafe form, which I think is what the Kokako is. Another interior design aspect of note is their faux-sarking feature wall. They've jacked some rough-sawn rimu (recycled, naturally) from some long-lost villa and stuck it over the top of their gib. Presumably to give the place a slightly more shabby feel. The overall effect is confused. This sort of behaviour, to me, seems to clash with their apparently socio-eco-conscious brand.

Enough bullshit. Their coffee is great. Their food is up there, too. In particular their poached eggs are textbook. Often you'll get something too runny, or even too cold, or with half the water used to cook it somehow wound-up on your plate. Refreshing.

Woman-friend's mango smoothie let them down in the beverage-stakes. "It was more yoghurt than the Fresh & Fruity I buy at the supermarket." This was the offender presented in a jar that had thread on top and a handle on the side. Such a vessel I've never come across before. Served this way it looked like cold custard. Frankly, I don't care about smoothies.
(Woman-friend edit: I care about smoothies a lot, and this was a disaster - see photo)

Unfortunately, definite miss. Go to the Kokako for a takeaway coffee. We're unlikely to be back there for anything more than that.

Reviewed by A.

YUUUUM CHA

Dynasty Chinese Restaurant
57 - 59 Wakefield Street.

Yum Cha. Not exactly breakfast, but the lines between breakfast and lunch blur when you wake up at 11.30am on a Saturday. We had planned to go to this organic vegetarian cafe (lah dee dah) for breakfast, when our friend texted us and said "Yum cha?". Why not?

Dynasty is a Chinese restaurant in Auckland City. You'll get a table pretty easily, unlike some other popular yum cha destinations in town. Slightly dated decor, which we're feeling, and the food comes quick and hot. Highlights are the cha siu baau (steamed pork buns), siu mai (weird pork and prawn dumpling things), the sticky rice, rice noodle rolls (with coriander), the beans and never ending green tea. The sesame balls deserve a mention as well. Hard to describe but yummo.

If you're not familiar with yum cha (or if you're gwai lo, like us), here's a run down on the dishes you can find.

The service is pretty damn good, highly attentive but not intrusive. No coffee from this place, but the food is well worth it. For three of us to eat it was a mere $48, so it almost doesn't fall into the bracket of "expensive".

Definite hit. Great hangover food and easy on the wallet. Three people is the magic number, only attempt two if you're in the mood to get disrespected.

Reviewed by A & B.

"We don't serve vanilla lattes here... We do coffee lattes... ahem"

Welcome to Expensive Breakfast, take a seat and I'll bring you a menu... any coffees to start? We're here to give proper reviews of Auckland cafes. This blog is born of frustration at the mediocre experiences all too often served up at Auckland's daytime eateries. Sick of unreliable Weekend Herald recommendations? We are too. So jam EB in your iPhone, and check us out before you set foot in any old coffee shop...