Giving You the Time of Day... Te Waka a Maui: Rua for Tahi

That's right, whanau. EB's jumped the Cook and even had time to sample some of the finest bruncheries the North Island's Slag-tag has to offer. My inner Scotch-tight-arse meant that I cheaped-out on direct flights into Queenstown, opting instead to fly into Crimechurch and drive (thereby effectively turning a four day weekend into just a weekend - but I digress...)

First on the block is ChCh's

Underground Coffee

359 Colombo St
Sydenham
(03) 943 7360

Three things about this place really concerned me:

1. The name, obviously.

2. A poster on the front door for a Bike-Polo event of some kind.

3. Our table-top was an old cupboard door, knob remaining.

Other than that I can't fault UG. F.B. & I both had Salmon Bagels, which "t.b.h." could've been a bit more generous on the salmon, and B. had Eggs on Toast (textbook poachery, top marks). Granted, neither plate is particularly complex, but who cares, if you can get the basics right then you're ahead of a lot of places. We perched around the door enjoying the welcome Canty sunshine and above average cups-of-chino.

UG don't front, hit.

Next up is Q-town's

Joe's Garage

Searle Lane, Town Centre

(03) 442 5282

Again, I was concerned by Joes's front door - the handle is a big crescent spanner - aw, I see what they did there! And the whole place has a vague automotive-cum-yankee-style-diner vibe. I'm always weary of anything with a Theme... cafes, parties... How about this for a motif?: good food and no bullshit. But allow me to get over myself for a minute.

I ordered the Clever Trevor aka Mince on Toast, B had the Crumble with Apple, Rhubarb & Yoghurt (this probably had a hilarious moniker too, that I didn't care to remember). We sat and waited, enjoying two (good) coffees each, in the time it took to get our plates out. A minor gripe, considering the generous portions and super-tastiness of both.

I'd like to take time now to get something off my chest, or at least my fingertips. While we were sat waiting for our food to come out, another couple came and sat down next us, He dropping his sunglasses on the floor, and not noticing. I half turned, about to let him know, but I saw they were the kind of specs you'd see TV's The Situation wearing. I held my tongue, and decided I was doing him a favor. Besides, I'm sure they only diverted attention from the exquisite turtle-neck he had on. The question here is: Am I a Cunt?

Bottom line is Joe's is a hit. We left feeling thoroughly disrespected, they just need to get their hustle up a little.

I'm left wondering what Karma has in store for me, greedily clutching my Yukels.